1. Trial a friendship before a relationship;
2. Win her with your masculinity;
3. Show her respect;
4. Show her you care
5. Be enjoyable company

1. Trial a friendship before a relationship

Treat her as a friend first, develop a friendship. If you don’t have a girlfriend it’s hard to get one, if you have lots it’s easy. Collect women, then you have the choice of all of them. You are not only giving yourself a wide choice but that is how you learn about yourself, what you want and what you don’t want.

Trial friendships before relationships. When you meet a very special single woman, having other single women as friends will help you to keep the brakes on with that special person.

When you were 18 – 20 there were plenty of girls around and you got to know them before you dated them right? Because women at that age were under an obligation to their parents, things happened more slowly.

Yet many of the unions that began then will last a lifetime because people took the time to get to know each other first before they entered a relationship. They trialed friendships before trialing relationships. Once you are over 30, women own their own bodies and can make snap decisions and they do hence everything moves more quickly.

Also, once you are over 25 yrs, 68 % of the population are in relationships and the other 38% are thinly spread out. Most people meet one person and say things like: “This is fate – this is meant to be” because they want a relationship and they work very hard at ‘making a relationship’ because they want the dream, whether the person is right or not.

If it does not work out, the two main reasons are: it all happened too quickly and they had a choice of one. If you were going to buy a house, a car or an outfit and you had a choice of one, you wouldn’t buy but people snap up that one person because they don’t want to miss out.

To make friends one does have to make an effort. Start by being less conservative, be approachable, and smile a lot. Make it a habit to chat to people at work. Smile and say hello when you meet people in lifts or corridors.

It takes courage but once you start you will find it becomes easier so that when you meet a single woman who bowls you over you will surprise yourself with your boldness whereas if you had not been practicing you may have missed the opportunity. .

2. Win her with your masculinity

The Most Important Factor in a good relationship is to have similar values. We all have two sets of values – what we espouse to and our acted values when you go out to dinner with a woman she tells you her espoused values, you tell her yours and it’s very superficial.

Whereas over a game of tennis or golf you discover: Is she as good as she says she is? Does she cheat? Does she have any stamina? Is she a good sport? Does she have manners? Does she have a sense of humour and is she fun to be with? And if it’s tennis you are playing you might even see her legs.

You will find out a lot more about a single woman over an activity than you would over dinner and you are less likely to end up discussing personal issues too early. Make your first few meetings activity meetings, doing things that show up your strengths.

Your strengths are the things that you do well. Avoid situations where you feel awkward. You know what you do well. Steer her towards activities that you do well and am confident that you will shine. Should your expertise be in music or art make your activity more cultural than athletic. Whatever makes you shine will be greeted with enthusiasm if she is the right woman for you.

Dora related to me that the first time she met Don she wasn’t impressed but he invited her to go kayaking. She said, “I’ve never been kayaking and I really wanted to go but I didn’t fancy going out with Don. The kayaking won. Don arrived with all the equipment, he really knew what he was doing and was very well organized. We had such wonderful time that by the end of the day, I really liked him. They are now an item. Don relied on his masculinity, expertise and strength to attract Dora.

3. Show her respect

Good manners are a form of respect – show her respect. In the 21st century, we discuss respect rather than good manners. They are equally important. Ensure she is safe by walking her to her car if it’s dark, especially in suburbs questionable areas.

When you are with a new single woman, make it easy for her, like the good dancer who knows how to guide a woman. Say things like: “wait there until I open the door for you”, “let me pull out your chair”, “I’ll walk on the outside”. This way there’s no excuse for being misinterpreted and your good manners will be more graciously accepted.

Avoid expensive activities because many single women like to pay for themselves so don’t embarrass her with expensive golf games or other activities that may be beyond her budget.

If you are not sure with a woman always ask. She likes to be asked and will be happy to inform you if you give her the opportunity. And give her choices. If you give her choices it’s easier for her to say ‘no’ to golf if she doesn’t want to play but is just playing to please you.

4.  Show her you care

Show her you care by the way you present yourself. If you are seeking a partner who looks good, it is up to you to look like what you expect. If you expect your partner to be well groomed and well presented so that you are proud to introduce her to your friends, you have to look the same.

Single men are always on show; single men can’t sneak down to the market looking as though they have just got out of bed. Single men must always look attractive, hair done, shaved and wearing clean neat clothes. Single men have an exercise program. Single guys control their weight.

My son met his wife at the supermarket. He’s the type who talks to everyone so it was easy for him to chat her up in the checkout queue. Do you always look good enough to approach a woman when you go to the supermarket?

You only ever get one chance to create a good first impression. If you meet an elegantly dressed man in a suit in an office and see the same man 3 days later needing a shave in dirty old jeans you think that executive is on his day off. Whereas if you see a fellow for the first time needing a shave in dirty old jeans and 3 days later see him in a suit you are more inclined to think, that hobo is wearing a suit.

It’s appropriate to be dressed in a suit for coffee in the city during the week but if you are meeting in the suburbs at the weekend casual clothes would be much more suitable.

If you are not sure that your wardrobe will pass the image test, engage an image consultant to give you the best advice. An image consultant will go through your wardrobe, tell you what you should never wear again, and take you shopping. Having a great wardrobe not only impresses women but also gives you heaps of confidence.

Another suggestion is to ask a female friend who dresses well to go with you.

When shopping by yourself go into several of the most expensive shops in town to look at the styles, colours and fabrics. Get a feel for what you think would best suit you then go to stores that offer goods within your price range.

Colour is very important in clothing – the right colours for you can really impress whereas colours that don’t do anything for you may sap your confidence. Discuss colours with a female friend whose taste you respect.

5.  Hone your social skills to ensure she enjoys your company

Don’t ask personal questions. Good topics for discussions with women on the first three meetings are books, movies, restaurants, music, theatre, the Arts, sports, holidays and hobbies.

Avoid talking about women at all; never mention other women you have been out with nor your ex-wife or girlfriend. You don’t have to explain why you are divorced and if you do, you are giving her permission to vent her spleen about her last break-up which could take 2 -3 hours.

If she asks why your marriage dissolved reply with a 5 – 10 word sentence and change the subject in the same breath, for example: “We grew apart but we’re still good friends; what movies have you seen lately?”.

The greatest lie on the singles scene is: “I’ll call you”. You may mean to call her and I am sure most men do but they often don’t get around to it. It is best not said. If you say “I’ll call you”, she assumes you are not exactly truthful.

If you want another date with a single woman, tee it up before you depart. Then you don’t have to worry about organizing it later, it’s organised. You feel secure because you know it’s going to happen and she is not left wondering.

When she calls you never be abrupt. If you are in an important meeting tell her you will call her back at a particular time. Never say, “I’ll call you back in an hour” if your meeting could go on for two hours. Say, “I’ll call you back later this afternoon or this evening”.

It’s important to a woman that you keep your promises. Your mate couldn’t care less if you break a promise about time but to a single woman little things are very important and you will find that a relationship is made up of little things. So to make headway with a special single woman make an effort to please in small ways.

For men who have recently left a long term relationship or a marriage, you cannot take up with someone new in the same manner that your previous relationship was managed. Each relationship is different and will have different expectations; never assume you have the same rights with a new woman.

Give yourself a choice; collect many single women and trial friendships. Don won Dora with his masculinity and strength and you can too. Like a good dancer, guide her so that she knows you are going to open her door; displaying good manners is showing respect for your woman.

You will only get one opportunity to make a good first impression, be prepared. If you want a woman who looks good, ensure you look good too. Finally keep the conversation light and easy for the first few meetings. After all, developing a friendship with a woman is meant to be fun and enjoyable.

Rosalind Baker is the Principal and Founder of Entre Nous Introduction Agency www.entrenous.com.au and author of 3 best sellers, Dial A Woman, Dial A Man and Dial A Personality To find out: Your Personality Type, or to find out”Are You Eligible” or “Are you ready for a relationship?” visit: www.entrenous.com.au

Further reading: “How to get the woman you want” & “How to get the man you want” a unique two-sided book by Katia Loisel-Furey and Paul Morris Segal  available at http://www.singles.net.au/books

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